you're a real tough cookie.....

I wonder sometimes if I haven't hidden my light under a damn bushel so long that I've managed to live as a single girl through the majority of my twenties. Don't get me wrong, I haven't been sad and lonely and feeling sorry for myself all this time. I just have kind of refused to put up with any drama, and false flirtations or sure-to-end-badly suggestions that I should date so-and-so.

I thought for a long time that maybe I was aiming too high or something. You know, like a girl like me shouldn't be so picky? The thing is, though, that I have always figured I would just know when the right guy came along. I'm not sitting around figuring he'll just wander by, but I also refuse to date a million frogs just to find my prince. I don't have this terribly stringent list of what's right in a guy and what's wrong. But I do have a lot of ideas about what's right for me.

Maybe getting out of here will be a big push in the direction of solving this nearly decade long dry spell. It seems like I can't find anyone around here who actually (a) is my type and (b) wants to date me. and by "is my type", I don't mean "fits into this box of qualities that I refuse to budge on", I just mean someone who will love me for me and who will want to support and encourage me to be everything I want to be while I do the same for them. I need someone who gets me, and that I get, (and who puts up with me when I try to run away from him a couple of times, which I'm probably going to do, because... uh.... love ain't easy...)

I'm not going to go searching, and I'm not going to sit around waiting. I'm just... *sigh*.... I'm prone to saying I don't believe in love for myself, but that's not necessarily true. What I don't believe in is the timeline everyone around here seems to want to set for girls like me. I will get married (and, God willing, have babies?) someday. Maybe even someday soon. But it will be because I met the love of my life and decided it was time. Not because I decided it was time and that some random dude was the love of my life.